Saturday, November 18, 2006
18 Nov 2006
Finally... O levels' s over. Now once again I feel as if I'm at a crossroad. I dont know where i wana go, what i wanna do.
The sudden freedom made me feels at a lost.
Despite many plans for my O level "aftermath"... I still feels that something's not right.
I dont know what is it.
School's over, O level's over, even my relationship is over. I had only believed in this relationship so much this time. But yet such things turns out so. I do feel hollow and empty, guilts and sad, but the gruelling O levels keep me on and psychoed me what i did was right. Sometimes i got so emotional that i almost rose out of bed at a timing of 2.38am, wanting to online and tell him i still love him. Never once did i ever mentioned i'd not loved him anymore. Not even when we broke up. But at that time, the O level red alarm pulled me back. To see him down and feeling bad inside, I felt that i'm such a bad person. I ignored him and reply with short answers at msn hoping that would help him focus on O levels more. Yet, as if it'd help. I'd only see him torn apart more. I'm so bad.
I told him i needed time. But i guess the time i requested washes him bland time by time.
Now, i no longer know what to do. All i could do is to take each step at a time. I wouldn't ask for more. What i have, i would treasure. What is given to me, i would cherish.
Time, for once again, was what i can once again well afford. I would make full use of my everyday. I dont wanna regret anymore. No more.
my life story on 11/18/2006 06:42:00 PM
